Gather round the fire with your favorite cider and prepare for spooky text silences…This is the time of year where things go bump in the night, and it’s possible that your newly discovered partner makes an attempt to be in your life but then, inexplicably, disappears. One day you feel like things are going well, and you are about to introduce them to your parents, then suddenly they are gone. My daughter has been ghosted with a spooktacular record of over 10 times! Her favorite “ghost” story would be where her potential love interest passed her on to his roommate! She has lost articles of clothing, movies, and time with the men she has met. Many of those items and the men that have them are still mysteriously missing to this day.
When a rejection occurs, it plays with our self esteem, and social belonging. If you have been through multiple ghostings, you are likely to experience this rejection as even more painful, and it may take longer for you to get over it. Regardless of the person’s intent, it is a passive aggressive way that can leave scars, and a form of emotional cruelty.
We like to think that this era invented ghosting but all we did was give a spooky name to an age-old trick. In the pre-smartphone era, you could legitimately just “disappear” and no one could contact you. In the modern dating scene, men are most likely to ghost someone, more than women are. This is widely due to the fact that most men (not all, because I do not want to bundle good guys with the bad) do not want to talk about their feelings.
Why do people ghost in the first place? They may feel they are bad at conversation, or confrontation. They feel awkward and end up saying all the wrong things, making the other person feel worse…making the action of disappearing easier. In fact, ghosting is so much scarier. Knowing that someone does not like you that much, results in a truly terrifying experience, and it is in the silence that causes the long-term haunting. It may be painful to end a relationship by having an actual adult conversation about it, but it does give that much needed closure, not a “ghost”. Ghosting may be acceptable after one date, but if you have shared an exceptional amount of time together, you owe them some closure.
Ghosting is not as scary as you think, if you are prepared. If you can tell that someone is pulling away from you, it is best just to cut them out of your life, and don’t get too upset that it didn’t turn out the way you expected, or don’t get a response back.
The following are some ideas on what to do if you feel you are being ghosted by someone:
- Start by giving them the benefit of the doubt. We all have busy lives, and are not always available to respond to a personal text. So, before assuming you have been ghosted…try resending your last text, and asking them if they are okay
- Treat them to some good old reversed psychology. When someone is ghosting you, they may expect that you will continue to try and contact them. So, rather than playing their game, go have some fun, and post it on social media! They are likely to become curious and contact you
- Be yourself, be successful, and live well. Do not spooked by their actions, and treat yourself to a wonderful and full life
- Be an adult about it. Send them one last closing text, and tell them that you had a great time trying to get to know them, you’re sorry things didn’t work out for whatever reason, and that you wish them all the luck in finding whatever they are looking for
- Lastly, stop talking to them all together…for good. Block them on all social media platforms, delete their number, and do not look back. This may be the hardest thing to do, but it gives you the opportunity to concentrate more on other dating prospects who ARE communicating with you
The important thing to remember is that when someone ghosts you, it has nothing to do with you, or your worthiness for love…it says loads about the person doing the ghosting. They either don’t understand the impact of how they are behaving, or worse…they just don’t care. Either way, they have sent you a clear message that they do not have what it takes to carry a mature and healthy relationship with you.
If you’re putting yourself out there and your love interest doesn’t message you back, or has blocked all communication, they probably aren’t worth your time. Do you really want to date someone that seems too busy to text you back? Ghost stories are fun around the campfire, but not so much in our daily lives. If the situation looks, acts, or vanishes like a ghost…chances are, it is a ghost.
So, bury that ghost, put the last nail in the coffin, put on your best dating face, and get back out there! We are all human, so for goodness sake, if you have been seeing someone for more than just one date, or longer than 8 hours total, have the respect to tell them that you no longer wish to see them for whatever reason. It is much better to have that closure, than to remain a ghost in their thoughts forever.
No one ever promised that dating was easy, and generally speaking, if someone likes you, they will find ways to show up in your life, physically or emotionally and they will engage in a respectful way towards you. They won’t think twice to send you a message, comment on one of your posts on social media, or even meet you face to face on a whim, and before you know it, you’ll realize how being present makes all the difference in the world.
Hazel is available at Psychic Vision daily for Video Orders and Live Chat. She also is available at our sister app Psychictxt where she can answer your texts!