I have had many clients that come to me with difficulties in love or relationships or I overhear friends talk about their struggles with their significant other, which ultimately is a deciphering between what is a true connection and what is an attachment, these two often get confused. Identifying the difference is difficult, so I am providing my own take on it through my own personal process. I have come to recognize that connection is an unconditional, open space that stems from an ever-present, deep-rooted love for our selves. Attachment is a need, a conditional space and most often a self-destructive requirement to fill a void. Connection is an effortless presence, whereas attachment is a distraction.

I have found that attachment disguises itself as a quick-fix shelter from the storm within, as it creates a long distance disconnection from what is ultimately being avoided. When attachment is created, it is conquered by the ego being overworked. We will know when we are in the phase of attachment because when our ego is triggered, so is fear, control, power struggles and we fall into a colourful yet dramatic stream of turbulent outcomes. We try to do what we can to stop this attachment from parting way with us. Each outcome is followed with the same monotonous chain reaction from us, therefore the story is repeated. When we take a conscious decision to avoid looking within, dependency emits outwards, triggering a feeling that we cannot be happy without the particular part of our life we are attaching to. Therefore, when what we are attached to disappears, the shelter comes off, the storm is over us and all the unresolved issues we were originally avoiding come to surface.

Connection is the space in which the storm has passed, we have experienced it and we no longer need to avoid what we are trying to suppress. Nowadays, this connection is being replaced with many attachments as we are forgetting how to look within ourselves, so we clench to people or things around us that disguise themselves as the joy we wish to seek within. We disconnect from our needs, we disconnect from a pain we once suffered, from acknowledging how to process these experiences to transmute them into a healed scar. Connection is truth, where as attachment is a disguise. When we feel connected we feel whole, we feel this truth and the repeating patterns disappear, and what is left is just love.

Decipher yourself what aspect of your life triggers these patterns within your life. What are you holding on to and what fears you the most of letting them go? What parts of your life are you clenching onto that you are so afraid to release?

Dara is available at My Tarot Advisor for insight and guidance daily. Come speak with her about your concerns about attachment or connection with someone else