We all know by now that life has its challenges, but how are we dealing with them?
Why do we waltz through life with an expectation that everything?
Let us play devils, advocate, with ourselves, this might be the only way that we can feel grounded. Let us remember that it is our duty and not anyone else’s, to provide a safe space for us once we all admittedly need it at times. We all want love, we all want to know when it will arrive, yet we rely on another’s answer to determine this.
Being seen by another is one thing, but how do we gain a deeper understanding that love is never linear, without needing to learn this the harder way. Love does not always grow in tandem with another person, it has its frictions and whirlwinds and we must learn to go with the flow. We spend a lot of our time, dedicating ourselves to people in the hope that our big hearts will be reciprocated. It is the one thing that teaches us about the darker part of ourselves, but also how we can learn from our habitual behavioural patterns.
So, are we ready to stop placing love on a pedestal unless we are ready to face the shadows of ourselves?
There is one thing that love does and perhaps one thing we resent, but it will mirror the parts we have not looked at yet and until we are ready to take the responsibility to own our place in any form of rejection. So, rather than seeing with a closed mindset, which we naturally do, perhaps we can change our perspective on how we feel towards rejection.
Love is freedom, it does not suffocate, control or destruct the flow of another’s life by seeking out a higher reason for their behaviour whether it is toward ourselves or towards those that we surround ourselves with.
Are we able to step back and let them go through their process as we go through ours?
It is painful to be rejected, but there is also a healing process that we can choose to see in the circumstances that happened. In my opinion, there is no “protection” in the rejection of another, it is simply a choice they made that we need to accept. The same choice it is for us to continue to hang onto them. It is the same choice to ask why we cannot let them go. We are not glued to people or situations unless we choose to be and this is the same way we are not bound by our trauma unless we choose to be. It is about learning our power here, and we can choose to give rejection some form of the pedestal by thinking we are in fact protected from someone’s choices towards us, but free will must be involved here, as it is with everything in life. It is the free will of the choices we make, and theirs. It does not need to be challenging.
How can we let ourselves stop feeling the pain of rejection if we keep looking for the answers outside of ourselves?
How can we move forward from the inevitable ebbs and flows that take place not only in love but in all areas?
We can only take a step back to create the space of perspective and learn to face the harsh fact that there is sometimes not an answer for all challenges we face. There is no answer to why we are cheated on. There is no answer as to why we have been treated badly by another. The answer is because we cannot control another’s behaviour and it is not our responsibility to do so.
We have choices, what we do is we can go to person after person as we please. We can seek the support of a friend and try to identify the cause. We can hang on so tightly to the situation and those who make us feel rejected, asking them why. We can get as angry as we need to, but we also had the choice to stay in relationships that perhaps we felt were not serving us from the first sign they gave us. Therefore, we are still looking to find the answer for the pain we suffer, be it through the person that we felt caused it upon us, or externally on those who we look up to guidance with.
We must acknowledge that we all go into relationships blindly, just as they do. We walk into relationships with the expectation to be self soothed by our trauma, we heavily burden ourselves by feeling that it is another’s responsibility to stay with us forever. They have a choice too. They have a journey too. The longer we slow this journey of theirs down by resentment, bitterness and feelings of being haunted by the ghost of them, we officially have the answer as to why we cannot move on. We have always had the answer as to why, yet we do not trust ourselves to dive deep into our intuition, that was gifted to us for these very reasons. The stability we yearn for, is within us so that we can finally find that stability externally.
How often are we out there blaming ourselves or the other, when we ultimately are self-sabotaging in the hope to find answers for another’s behaviour. No matter how much we look externally for this, to see the change in them, or for them to give us the love we want, we must understand that this is simply controlling their journey. We may wish to think we can control it, yet there is no control on their behaviour. They are responsible for them, and us for us. We must learn to look deeper into ourselves with a love that perhaps may not be reciprocated, and trust that we are still OK without it.
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